Beware "The Promoter"!!

One thing I learned very early on in this business, is that Music Event Promoters and Agents are invaluable to the working musician, but require a fair amount of vetting, as there are a good number of them that are only in the business of promoting their bank balance... as well as their skill of rapid escape and reinvention of themselves in different locations as needed.  Don't get me wrong, I've worked with many more hard working, honest ethical promoters than the "Crooks", but unfortunately, it's the later that leave the biggest mark!

It was the Summer of 2005, and our road schedule was pretty flush.  We were excited about not only the shear number of dates, but the quality as well.  We had managed to land several big dollar Corporate gigs, a good number of Fairs & Festivals that allowed us to route fairly easily on down the road hitting one at a time without a bunch of overland zig-zagging and more Rodeo dances than ever before... I should have been content with the schedule as it sat!  RIGHT!!

In early June, I received a direct call from an Event Promoter attempting to book us for a "Last Minute" engagement for mid July.  It was pitched as a "New 12,000 sq.ft. concert venue grand opening".  Well, obviously I was very interested, and it just so happened the location (in Eastern Washington) was right on our routing plan for the next set of gigs!!  WHAT LUCK!!

Well, there's a reason that over the last 4 or 5 centuries, great thinkers & learned scholars have coined little sayings like, "If it seems too good to be true...", "A fool and his money...", "Luck is foolishness gone right" or "Fool me once shame on you...",  well you get the idea.  The unfortunate thing here is I was more focused on that other old adage, "Never look a gift horse in the mouth"... Hmmmm!  Funny how that works.

I did research this fella a bit and discovered he had been connected with several large Music Festivals and promotional events in the Northwest, and seemed legit.  My investigation of the venue was a bit less informative as the web page just said "Coming Soon - Site Under Construction".  I even went so far as to call the local Country Radio station, and they had heard "something is happening over there", but since we were dealing with a "Grand Opening", venue history was basically non-existant.  With both feet we jumped!!

Long story short, after 4 or 5 back-and-forths with the "Promoter", we came to terms and contracted for 2 - 90 minute sets, 3 double rooms, meals and beverages for band & crew along with our standard tech rider at a bargain rate under $3000... Ultimately a HUGE BARGAIN!!

Well boys and girls, have you ever seen that movie "Crazy Heart" with Jeff Bridges?  Remember the scene in the beginning when he rolls out of his Suburban, pants unbuttoned, beer bottles clankin' on the blacktop and he looks up and says, "S%#t, another f%$#@&g bowlin' alley...".  Well, he stole my line, I said it first!!  The only difference between the scene in the movie and my true life version, is in my experience, the marque out front read, "Senior League Tonight"... was I in the wrong place, did I get the date wrong, am I on candid camera, have I crossed over into The Twilight Zone... Nope!!  I'm livin' the life of a Honky Tonk Man!!  SHEESH!!!

After some lookin' around and askin' some sarcastic questions, we learned that we had arrived!!  The first sign was the photocopied 8.5"x 11" hand written "Poster" on the bowling alley door that read, "Grand Opening July 12th, Bob Manning & The Honky Tonk Show - $20 at gate".  As we went on in to inspect this "12,000 sq.ft. Concert Venue" we couldn't even locate a bandstand much less a concert venue.  Eventually the gal working the "shoe counter" walked us through the snack bar and into a construction zone behind a wall of clear plastic with a sign affixed to it that reads "Pardon Our Dust".  YEAH!!  PARDON THE FEAR IN MY EYES!  At this point I'm reminded of the website notice that said "under construction"... they were serious I chucked to myself!

Okay, with all of it said... I'm still okay!!  I have a contract right?  RIGHT!?  Even though the ENTIRE bowling alley might be 12,000 sq.ft., and the partially completed "Concert Venue" might seat 100 people max, and the stage is still under construction, the sound system that was supposed to be in place in no where to be seen, the venue staff was unaware of the "Event" and there are wires hanging out of the ceiling where stage lights should be... I HAVE A CONTRACT!!

Well, let me tell ya, the 3 people that came to the show that night got the show of their life... I kept referring to it as their own "Private Little Party".  The "Promoter" was there for about 30 minutes, just long enough to collect his $60 at the door and inform me that he was "headed to the office to get my check"... His office must be a long, long ways away, because I'm still waiting!!  I think something horrible must have happened to him, because after that night his phone no longer worked and his address ceased to be... Gee, I hope he's okay!!

Ya know, as I look back at the whole affair, we still did our job!  Yes, I had to pay the band out of my own shallow pockets, I got suckered into somebody's scam (or ill-conceived Venture), we got stuck paying for our own rooms and I fostered a good bit of rage for a few years, but when it's all boiled down... we collected another valuable experience courtesy of The Honky Tonk Trail!!  In my mind, we don't do this for the money, OBVIOUSLY, we do this for the folks and the love of the music... the money just continues to feed the beast, and the beast has to eat!  

And as a bonus... After the show I bowled a 241 while drinkin' beer and eatin' vending machine egg salad sandwiches!!!  NOW THAT'S HONKY TONKIN"!!